ME & MY MUM.. T_T SORRY..
i just had a fight with my mum today.. it was suppose to be happy day for me.. but then.. i guess nothing ever runs smooth.. but for it.. it runs 10 times more bad..
today is suppose to be de day that i'll be sending gin off de airport.. she's going back to china.. how i wish i could too.. but anyway.. i told my mum that.. she said ok.. i can send u to enous.. i'm alright with that.. but then when we were off that time.. i suddenly rmb.. i can just take a bus to Bedok n from there change mrt.. it will be faster than taking mrt from enous.. which is more far away.. furthermore.. recent things n feelings that i've kept deep inside my heart started to rise.. i just sort of get "angry".. n shouted at her.. she keep on asking my de same things.. i was abit frustrated.. i didnt even realise i shouted at her until she say so.. I"M SORRY mama.. i really didnt do it on purpose.. i have my troubles too.. i'm not de gal that can just come n go.. i can rmb.. i can feel.. i have feelings now.. but still.. i'm sorry.. i really didnt mean to shout at u.. pls understand..
but then wat my mum said also hurt me.. she say why i'm treating her like a enemy? even if u don treat me as ur mother but at least as a friend.. why do u have to shout at me.. sorry.. really sorry.. i really didnt mean it de.. but pls understand.. although i appear to be happy.. i'm not.. really.. i'm sad.. i really need help.. pls.. pls see my other side.. i never ever didnt treat u as my mother.. i always respected u.. I LOVE U! i always tried to make u happy.. like this morning.. i know u wanted me to pay de piano.. i played! but u werent at home.. when small that time.. u wanted me to learn de piano.. i did.. i know u're worried.. i tried my best to go home on time.. i dont do foolish things cos i know u need me.. but pls.. why cant u see my other side..? u always see me "playing" with de com.. my daily activities is playing.. de more i go out de more ye i am.. but really.. i love u.. i don wan to hurt u.. so i'll try my best to make u smile.. i'm really sorry.. sometimes i also have my emotions.. do u ever know i cried b4 in my bed? i really love u everyday? one times u told me b4.. u see ar.. those "not-normal" kids will try to hurt themselves.. cos they know they're been bad.. i'm hurt when i heard that.. i know sometimes i'm bad.. but i want n i'll try my best to change it.. i wanted to hurt myself sometimes too.. do u know i almost wanted to jump down de building when i was in sec sch? but i didnt.. something or "somebody" stopped me.. n up til now i wont.. cos i know if i get hurt or do foolish things.. i'll make u more sad.. its not that i wont be like those children.. i will! just that i don wan to.. cos i wont bring happiness to u.. did u ever know that i was been called a flirt by my friends? my friends look down on me when i couldnt turn up or projects n stuff like that? i'm suffering too.. sorry..
u always said that i can do better.. even if i'm already trying my very hard.. from failing maths to getting 100.. u said that i should get 100.. i really wanted u to recognise me! but u never really did..
but still.. i'm sorry about today.. although i called u to say sorry.. n u said u know u r wrong jiu hao.. but then.. i still hope to hear that its ok.. i'm sorry too.. why am i always de one saying sorry? not everything is my fault.. but because i wan to keep this relationship.. i wanted to say sorry n i AM sorry.. but i'm tired.. i cant hold on anymore.. i just wan u to understand.. i really need u to understand! u are de one who pei wo from young until now.. i really love u mum.. i'm so sorry..
i cried all de way to de airport today.. n de only word i get is.. don cry le.. u cry outside so weird.. i'm sorry.. i didnt mean to disgrace u.. i'll learn to be strong.. i wont cry again..
i love u mum..
dead.. i'm dead.. i wont live anymore..
