Saturday, June 23, 2007
I JUST WANNA SAY..
i just wanna say a few things.. n also note a few things to myself.. i suddenly see de light within this misunderstandings.. also these problems.. these "black cloud" days are FINALLY going to be OVER! YEAH~ ^^
i don know how.. i just suddenly see de light in this darkness.. its always been a thing that i know.. lols~ funny right.. n plus.. after reading some ppl's blogs, i just find somethings are very true.. even for different ppl.. hahas~ i think each of us have to really experience urself.. then u'll know wats precious & wats just rubbish.. lols!
well.. i think i did really have a few things that r REALLY screwed up.. but thats also de lesson that learn from it that make me more mature ba.. i usED to take ppl's saying very seriously.. not because like i cant ignore it.. because i wan to change.. if i really had this bad habit.. i wan to change it.. then today.. i suddenly realise.. sometimes.. its JUST NOT MY FAULT! its just something that i couldnt control.. n because its something that i COULDNT control.. i shouldnt care much more it.. like de misunderstandings btw me n me been close to boys.. i mean.. its just close.. nothing else! see my mind pls.. nothing else is going on~~ @_@ but rumors keep on flying.. make me guilty.. feel sorry.. wanna do something to stop it.. n thats distant with de boy.. but is it a wise choice? sometimes i think we didnt see de other way round.. sometimes i hurt de guy instead.. truth can be blind.. so u have to use UR HEART to find out.. anyway.. one such case happen.. a gal misunderstood me & her guy.. when actually nothing is happening.. then she "scolded" (i think so..), say some nasty things to him.. but after that.. its actually just a misunderstanding.. then after that she felt really sorry about it.. she apologised to de guy n me.. at first i was shocked.. cos i felt guilty too.. i think its partly my fault.. but then she said that don need to say sorry.. cos its because she didnt trust de guy enough.. she believed in something that IS NOT TRUE.. she believed in rumors.. while de fact that de guy is loving her so deep is RIGHT B4 HER EYES.. love can be blind.. but then u gotto trust each other.. just as jaz had said.. trust is VERY important in love.. i suddenly.. wake up~ lols.. ya right.. its like.. none of my business! just because u believe in de rumors but doesnt mean its true! de guy love u.. not me.. n i will NEVER snatch a guy away from a friend OR another gal.. so pls.. see de other side of things.. trust in ur partner!
i also read of my best sisters blog.. i think parents are all de same.. hahas.. although she had been really compare to another of her neighbour.. while my mum didnt do that.. but my mum nags.. lols~ no matter wat she also nag.. so i guess its just one thing or another.. but still its for our own good.. but then.. i still think that some decisions u have to make it urself.. how long can they "advise" u? life is so short.. although they gave birth to u.. they see u grow up.. they lived longer than u have.. but its UR life.. u're going to walk it.. either alone or with partners.. so no matter wat u do.. just odn regret.. make everything de best! wish u all de best~ ^^ n rmb always.. once u have made this descision.. stand by it.. no matter how tough it is.. cos its ur own things.. not other ppl.. but urs.. ^__^
alright! i just finish wat i wanted to say! YAHOO~ lols~ too high today.. hahas~ *relaxed (at last!)* n my grandma is nagging again.. =.= say i like must sleep at 11 le.. zzz~ i also wan to sleep early ok.. just that somethings r not finished i feel weird.. zzz~ its always de same! naggings.. =.= *wu yan*
anyway.. lastly.. i just wanna say.. i'm NOT scared of these rumors anymore.. cos i stood clear.. i didnt so anything wrong.. i'm just gulity for hurting ppl.. so if u wanna spread rumors about me.. then.. go ahead.. i'm not going to stood back n let u shoot.. i wanna stood tall & look down at u.. cos my liang xin is clear.. n spreading rumors just creats misunderstandings.. n misunderstandings just hurts ppl's trust.. if u really trust somebody.. then just do it with no questions..
ok~! time to sleep! xD i'm sleepy le.. no matter u believe me or not.. thats all i wan to express of myself today.. hahas~ i'm speaking de truth about me.. but believing or not ups to u.. just hope that u'll have fun at my blog! xD n my feeling now is about memeories.. so i think my blogskin is going to change le! xD just like this song.. i really hope that i can have my old life back (meaning when i was small).. hahas~ but i know its not possible.. but then.. no matter how life is going to be for me.. i'll stood straight.. stood by de truth that i believe in.. ^^
i wanna learn to be strong! so that i can smile again.. =D
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
8:33 PM
Friday, June 22, 2007
I'M SPEECHLESS..
i'm really speechless.. things keep on happen one after another.. misunderstandings n misunderstandings.. i just wanna disappear..
things keep on happen.. dear god! give me a break! i'm human ok! pls let me breath b4 de next one comes! >.<
today a misunderstanding happened.. n i think.. i think i have lost 2 friends.. i shall not mention their name.. it make me angry.. how can they.. zzz~ nvm.. i just wanna cool down now.. this is something that i wont forget.. n i almost lost a 3rd friend today.. things r just NOT turning my way!
my dad was officially in jail today.. for 2 months.. 2 months without him! T_T i'm gonna miss him.. but be strong ok! ^^ cos i promised him that i will be.. no audi.. study.. lols~ n have good results for my piano by march.. i think its time that i do something for my studies & for my parents.. DON WORRY OK DAD~ ^^
finally i today cleared up my desk! xD FINALLY in a LONG long time~ lols.. much more clean & more space le.. everything back to their original place~ =D so finally i can get some work done! xD study study! (i don know why i don like to study or do things when my table full.. lols~ i think its because i'm lazy ba.. cos last time even table lazy i also do de.. now its like table untidy = slack.. LOL) but still there's some parts i havent finish clearing.. @_@
anyway~ just came across this song never had a dream come true.. i think it quite suits my theme here.. lols~ n long time never hear this song le! so now put it here for a while.. i'll be back with more interesting stuff for my blog~~!! =D cos although its like a lonely blog but its not! (if u see it de other way.. like i DO! ^__^)
thats all for now.. somethings i can never forget.. because its de memories that makes u u.. if u arent rmb.. then u never exist.. lols~ i wan to rmb~ even painful memories.. (u may think i'm silly.. but then.. i rather i have something bad to tell my grandchildren then something that always sounds good.. lols~ i'm CRAZY! X_X)
troubles come n go~ i'll learn to be strong! cos i wan to smile again~! =)
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:55 AM
Thursday, June 21, 2007
SORRY GUYS! >.<
erm erm~ i'm changing my blog.. lols! now still havent complete yet.. more stuff will be added! so pls check back for more! xD
oh n~ sorry to those viewing my blog tonight.. its ABIT messy.. >.<
pls bring me out of this world.. because i wan to smile.. as freely as i can..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
11:06 PM
I NEED A RESPOND FROM U GUYS~ ^^ THANKS!
i just wan to find out if de previous post is alright to ur eyes.. u can read it more comfortly & easily as de previous ones.. thanks!
pls bring me out of this world.. because i wan to smile.. as freely as i can be..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
7:49 PM
SPIN SPIN SPIN.. @_@
my head is in a total.. confuse state.. i just wan this thing to be over with.. i think i wont talk to him anymore lor.. i really feel CHEATED!
jaz reminded me that he HAD a child.. i totally FORGOT about it.. how can i? baka me.. then i suddenly realise too that one of my friends also tio him bully.. although not as bad as me.. but then i think its unworthy.. its like i still think good for him.. but all he gave was a sorry through sms.. i'm REALLY a BAKA for believing in him in de first place! *PENGZ*
but still.. it is a great impact on me.. ham u really put de fact right in my face.. lols! (don worry.. i'm alright about it..) u say that i'm LUCKY that i never got raped.. i know i could have been.. but then i'm REALLY REALLY glad that things didnt go THAT way.. but still.. cos of this sentence it made me think.. do i really have that strength to fight him if i were in that situation.. why am i so stupid.. stupid enough to believe in him.. to trust in him.. *BANG WALL*
i really had a sleepless night yet.. keep on waking up in shock.. imagine if i wre really... by him.. zzzz~ i really just wanted to rest.. get it over with.. i just wan to STOP thinking about it..
by de way.. i have space in between.. so hope that everyone can read better.. cos i know sometimes its too wordy.. sorry.. n i'll update more pictures.. thats all~
pls bring me out of this world.. because i wan to smile.. as freely as i can be..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
7:34 PM
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
SORRY FOR DE LATE UPDATE..
something happened yst.. it will leave a clear mark in my heart & memory.. n i'm struggling with my thoughts.. i don know should i post this up ma.. not of de fact that many ppl will scold me baka or u deserve this.. just that i don know wat his reaction will be when he read this.. cos i feel that he himself is also feeling miserable ba.. plus i don wan everyone running after him & ask him why he do that.. lols.. i'm CRAZY!
because of this thing it actually sends a scared feeling through me.. even up till now.. although its not a very big thing.. but then wo zhen de bei xia dao le.. i'm abit lost.. depression.. feel like crying.. but yet another part of me is telling me to be strong.. i'm in a dilemma..
but i still think that i should paste this up & act as a warning to every ladies out there.. pls don end up like me.. i finally know wat is it feel like to be in that kind of condition.. n besides.. its not someone that u don know.. its someone that u trust..
so my last msg here will be.. PLS TAKE CARE OF URSELF..
i really wan to see de stars again with u..
pls bring me out of this world.. because i wan to smile.. as freely as i can be..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:16 PM
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I'M SCARED! REALLY SCARED.. >.<
today was suppose to be a happy day for me de.. had my piano lesson in de noon.. i can play my songs & even learned parts of my grade 4 theory & practical exam.. but suddenly like a breeze washed away de happiness.. leaving behind de sadness..
this afternoon my maple cannot patch.. *ahh~~~~~* soul teddy, jason even daii de all can patch! only mine.. keep on not responding! zzz~ then when i check with them all say can! *FAINT!* make me feel miserable.. *me floating pass* i go maplesea website also never see de new version of manual patch.. *faintED* lols.. try de auto patch 4 times.. check website 3 times.. *GIVE UP!* zzz~
then going out to do my project that time was so moody.. lols~ not moody la.. just thinking about alot of things.. =.= i also don know wat i thinking about.. just that i suddenly like have alot of things on my mind.. then on de way also sms alot of ppl.. maybe thats why ba.. cos everyone talking about different topic ar.. then whole way got chat with daii~ then we crack alot of jokes.. FUN! xD
after that meet xanthus & zakk at newton.. i'm late! *BANG WALL!* so sorry! then we went to discuss about our community service project.. its hard! *ahh~* we cant get an organisation! we try calling many times.. CCF only picked up 2 times.. despite our so many calls.. =.=!! then de salvation army NONE! plus a hospital also.. all voice mail.. zzz~! then we must finish everything by august lor.. times i running OUT! so we try calling them again when we 3 gather.. they actually picked up! xD but this is de 2nd time they pick up our call lor.. =.=~ then we confirm with them see if we can go down straight ma.. then we got from them another e-mail & they say just send de proposal over then its alright.. ok~ waiting time agian.. =.=! *sian~*
we wan to send de proposal on de spot.. so we went to starbuck.. i actually wanted to drink hot chocolate.. but then.. 6.40 for 1 SMALL CUP! zzz~! its expensive! n recently i'm trying to save $.. so i don need ask so much from my mum.. (not that she mind.. i just don like asking for money..) so for me its like save & spend.. lols~ u wan something.. u save it urself~ =) so i gave up on my hot chocolate~ (i can drink it anytime ma..) hehe! ^^ then we used the wireless net there n sent our de proposal! yeah finally! xD but in de meanwhile we'll still try to get everything sort out.. we have to look for other organisations.. IF ANYONE GOT SUGGESTION! PLS PLS PLS TELL ME! >.<
after that it was still quite early.. n js (from maple) ask me if wan to meet ma.. then i feel abit bu hao yi si la.. cos i rejected him quite a few times.. then plus i'm feeling hungry at that time.. so maybe he come out then we eat also not bad.. but end up i went to his house.. base on my thinking that i trust him! n that daii is actually waiting for me in maple.. n my patch don work! so save all de trouble of fixing my maple.. then he was late when he come pase raise fetch me.. then i joke with him that he own we another meal..
but de scary thing happen here.. n i really feel like crying.. those who r reading this post.. pls don find him after this n i know i should be scolded.. but to me its also UNexpected! i had a total shock.. *ahhh~~* BAKA ME! >.<
in his house.. he got try to get closer to me.. then i avoided him.. he got try to catch my hand.. we joke round.. its still quite ok.. but then went home that time he die die also wan to send me home.. then he say all de sweet stuff.. of cos i didnt believe in him.. but then he tried to hold my hand.. i got scared! i didnt let him hold.. but i felt that wo hao xiang pei pian le.. cos i trusted him.. but he did something that made me scared.. although u can say its just a small thing.. but then.. we 2 werent even dating! plus de fact that he KNOW that i didnt like him in THAT way.. *ahh~* then hor he msg me a sorry.. n then asked that is it possible btw us.. no.. its not.. sorry..
wo zhen de bei xia dao le.. ya u'll say its ur fault for going ma.. but have u think b4.. its not that i LIKE going.. its because i trusted him.. thats why i went.. i know its my fault.. i should have been more careful.. but its really something that i dont expect.. cos he KNOWS that i DON LIKE HIM.. he KNOWS! T_T arh.. i'm really shocked myself..
when i was small.. i always use to go to my friend de house.. but this is de first time something like this happen.. i think its a lesson to all of us.. pls ladies.. take care! DON BE LIKE ME! although nothing happen (except holding hands & HIM trying to get closer) but other things might happen next time! so PLS PLS PLS LADIES! TAKE CARE OK! >.<
i think i'll have nightmare le.. but its my fault.. & I PROMISE TO EVERYONE READING THIS.. THERE WONT BE A NEXT TIME LE! NO NO NO NEXT TIME LE.. I REALLY.. LEARN MY LESSON LE.. T__T *gou gou shou plus chop stamp*
i hope rainbows are all over.. cos i really wan to smile..
i wanna see de stars again with u.. i really do..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:07 PM
Sunday, June 17, 2007
STEAMBOAT~ STEAMBOAT! xD
tonight, our holiday family had steamboat dinner at Marina South to celebrate Father's Day~ xD it was nice! ^_^ n i eat & eat~ lols! become piggy liao~ >.<
from the time i woke up this morning i already cant wait for de steamboat dinner le! xD cos finally my mum accepted my suggestion of NO air-com steamboat dinner~ hehe! xD i long ago wanted to bring them there eat le.. cheap also.. ($12 per person) plus u can eat until u full! ^__^ & also there are 2 steamboat base, one is tom yam & chicken soup.. lols~ both nice! xD tom yam not spicy de.. nor sour.. erm.. just have de taste la.. lols!
i know i have to wait for tonight.. cos my mum still need to work in de afternoon.. so i woke up at 10! *sobs* 10 leh~ late late late! lols~ my mum was still at home then.. so i slacked my way through de morning.. =X i login msn on my labbie to wait for haru.. cos i promised him that i will play my piano for him de.. then after that i just slack.. lols~ slowly eat breakfast.. then watch tv.. xD slack until she went out for work! =X baddie me! *hit hit hit myself* i think i slacked too much le.. even skipped my 2 hr piano today.. T_T lols~ then when she wetn out login audi.. first thing.. PLAY NPC! xD but npc sotted.. =.=~ chain like them never chain b4.. all lose.. star poor thing lor.. den from like 14k lose until 985.. -__- li hai hor! then me, soul teddy & star think suan liao.. we go creat normal rm & play.. then 2 they suan wo.. so i said find i shutup.. lols! from then i didnt talk.. =X they thought i angry.. lols~ xD but never la.. just lazy type.. =.= *concentrate on game~* =P then at that time i especially go buy a =X face expression.. de one with de mouth X de.. lols~ then they 2 was like.. wei wei~ hehe~! xD but don worry la.. i'm not angry~ =)
after a while i decided to play npc again.. lols! cos i wanna buy a boots.. then plus KK also wan buy someting.. 150k de top ar? i forget de sum le.. lols! so we go play npc again! xD got win.. just enough for me to buy de boots.. hehe~ =D new clothes! ^_^ so today spent.. 50k plus 80k on de boots? =.=~ zzz! expensive neh~ but nvm la.. happy jiu hao.. lols! ^_^ so u can see me now broke.. tml NPC! earn dens dens~ xD but almost all can earn dens de npc all give me drain le.. poor npcs.. *sayang~*
then afternoon my parents came back.. then they went to sleep a while.. n then off we go to steamboat! =D we then b4 we go there we got ALOT of difficulty.. f3~ cos marina bay that side i only know how to go by mrt & bus.. they wan to drive there.. then i not even sure if that side got parking lot ma.. =.=~ but then mum say don wan walk.. =.=! i mean de walking is like.. SO LITTLE! zzz~ nvm.. don wan argue with her.. then i called Alex.. help me search de directry.. then we go find wat bus & wat road.. then call here n there.. lols~ ALOT OF WORK! *ahh~* then finally we know le.. so off we go~! xD so hor ppl~ if i wan to go marina south there eat steamboat.. take mrt to marina bay.. then walk out of de mrt station & at de bus stop take 400~! xD just follow de crowd or ask de bus driver.. he'll know where to get down.. plus its pretty obvious.. cos once u come down u can see ALOT ALOT! of steamboat shops there le.. then walk <--- when u get down.. go to one call Zhong Bang.. that side de steamboat nicer~ xD plus there got bowling & arcade.. so u can play b4 or after ur steamboat~ =D
then we went there eat eaT eAt EAT! xD nice food nice food! ^^ my family drank beer.. 1 can 4 share.. lols~ but i don drink.. =.= (so bitter!) f3~ then we got eat crab ar.. black pepper chicken.. (its de MOST delicious out of all de meat there.. lols~ if u eat it then proberly u wont eat other meat le.. lols! xD) then prawns also.. we have chicken soup as our steamboat base.. then got alot of other seafoods.. xD n we eat alot of veggiee~ xD alamak~! i now hungry le la.. f3! *stomach guu guu~* f3 f3~~ we also got take photos after our dinner~ later upload! xD but de funny thing is.. my phone low batt cannot take.. when i try then know.. =.=! BLURR ME~! X_X then mum de digi cam also.. can take one but then de next is.. can on cannot take.. *faint!* lols~ in de end i rmb my mum de phone is de same as mine.. so can take.. hehe~! xD in de end got take a few~ then we also VERY guai.. never waste food.. we take how much eat how much~ he hE HE! =)
reach home around 8 plus le.. we reach there at 5.30.. then eat until 7.30 +.. then reach home 8 plus.. my 2 doggies was like.. *ong ong ong! onnng ong!* talking to us in their dog language.. asking us why SO LONG ten return.. lols~ then my grandpa actually asked me if can bring home de cooked chicken wing for them ma.. -_____- cannot lah! lols~ reach home that time.. go in my room.. see de mess on my table.. @_@ *faint~* havent pack! =X tml is going to be a LONG LONG day for me~~ @_@ must pack my table liao! so messy~ zzz!
rainbows above everything! i will survive! ^^
i wanna see de stars again.. with u..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
9:10 PM
Saturday, June 16, 2007
ITS A RAINY DAY.. ^_^
its just another rainy day.. but i don know why i like rainy days.. it sort of like washed away my unhappiness.. each & every raindrop is so pure n nice.. hahas~ rainy days! ^^
today rained alot.. morning hao xiang got rain.. afternoon sure got.. then now in de night also raining soon le.. but its not even de monsoon period yet! lols~ but still rainy days r good.. ^^ i like de feeling when u hold a umbrella or without an umbrella & walk under those rainy places.. so nice~ i don know how to describe de feeling.. hahas~ cos i long time never do that le.. i wish i can again.. u also go try ba~ xD
nothing out of de blues came today.. its just another normal day! ^^ morning played my piano.. then audi.. but i login audi to afk char.. lols~ =X anyway.. while i was playing de piano i told my grandma i going to esplanade library later in de afternoon.. as usual, she's not very happy about it.. so i asked her why.. then she said that i should go library borrow computer books.. i was like.. O.O wat for? then she told me next time can fix my com on my own.. LOL! "good idea".. seriously.. but then de problem is i can fix it le.. at most re-format.. =X lols~ i told her i can fix it le.. then she say i cannot.. that time my task bar spoilt.. i re-store my computer.. then she say is she fix de.. cos she reminded me to delete away some of de com items so got space.. i was like.. @_@ since when i did that? lols~ then we were "arguing" over who fixed de com.. finally i gave in.. i said thank you for fixing my com.. then my grandma was like.. don be too proud ok! (cos i argue with her ma), if not me ur com still cannot work.. then i was like don know wan to laugh or smile.. =( =) lols~ *trapped* but nvm la.. she win~ (as usual) =X just that i suddenly feel that my family very ke ai~ lols! xD
after that i went to de library.. rain very heavy.. no bus.. but in de end i late by 10 mins.. phew.. thought will be very late ne.. but still.. SORRY GUYS! >.<>
research was done pretty soon.. then i & pei lin also take de book that i reserve.. then de librarian so funny! she say cannot borrow de book.. =.=~ but actually is can de! -___- i was like.. u sure ma? lols~ then she borrow for me.. it can be borrowed.. f3! =.= *faint* i photocopy de notes form books for my research.. from 3 dollar + photocopy until 0.47cent.. =.= crazy right.. zz~ but i also got find some scores la.. so i can play at home.. got de sudden urge to play piano there lor.. lols~ i'm crazy! >.<
after i done my research i went home le.. cos grandparents going out for dinner.. then i never bring my keys.. if i did i can reach home late.. but then don wan la.. let them worry.. then actually thought of asking someone to pei ni go play house of de dead 4 b4 going home.. but timing not very right.. so suan le.. save money also~ xP jiu went home le.. but who knows reach home le grandma say u so early reach home le ar.. =.=~! dots.. b4 i go out she still ask me come home early.. zzz~ zao zhi dao i eat ouside then come back.. -__-
but nvm la.. dinner i go downstair da bao.. my parents reach home at 10.15 nor.. i home alone from 6 until 10.15.. lols~ *scared!* >.<>
dinner was fine~ at least fulfilling.. lols! but also nice to eat la~ ^^ my 2 doggies also wan eat.. f3! but they 2 like abit love sick.. @_@ cos like no mood.. then when i go down da bao they bark.. asking me not to go.. =.=! then when i come back their tails wag until cannot wag.. lols! xD they had chicken wing for dinner neh! more fortunated then me.. lols~ i only had veggie, rice & some meat.. lols~ chicken wing is a treat ma.. f3~
mum recently had moved some of de funitures in my room.. =.=~ *sian dao~* have ti re-pack everything again.. then today is de day for that.. lols! by de way tml also fathers day.. our whole family going to eat steamboat! xD
oh ya! b4 i forget.. tonight audi meet someone weird.. & funny~ lols! cos me, mei, star & soul teddy playing npc ma.. then suddenly got this guy (kakacho) come.. he say pls let me in.. i'm pro.. x6 pref.. lols! then i was thinking.. erm.. x6 so..? lols! but anyway we let him in.. then his.. -__- when he x6 he'll go yes! then aaaa~ ahahhaha~ =.= crazy! then he will like.. talk alot of rubbish jiu dui le.. don borther to rmb.. sorry.. =.= then make star, mei 7 soul teddy hen bu shuang.. lols~ then they jio him one on one 188.. lols! then soul teddy heiong ar! he use number pad 188 still win kakacho.. =.=~ li hai! after that mei win him.. me & star is just.. lols~ star is lag & he don see de point in "fighting" him.. he just shoot him only.. i was.. totally no mood.. *sleepy* @_@ lols~ *head spinning~~* @_@ i just wanna sleep.. but in de end they "owned" him.. well i guess.. for one point its a good thing ba.. =X cos he really! talk alot of rubbish.. zzz~ anyway~ audi tonight is helping star & soul teddy de noob drain all de noob npcs.. lols~ every match won.. then we keep next next next.. lols! but stuck at sally.. -_____- sally is like.. CANNOT WIN DE! zzz~! she keep on chain chain chain! zzz~! *hit audi!* =X
ok la.. i know i fierce.. =.=~ i go sleep le.. night all~! xD
rainbows above everything! i will survive! ^^
i wanna see de stars again.. with u..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:22 PM
Friday, June 15, 2007
I'M STILL FEELING SLEEPY.. @_@
today.. its just another sleepy day for me.. lols! i first woke at 7 then went back to sleep.. until 9 plus.. =X i can be piggy liao~
nothing much today as usual.. played audi once i woke up FULLY.. lols! then grandma "complaint" when she came back from de market.. arh.. sorry! T_T then around 10 plus i told her that i'll be going to mac to tuition wan xi n meet up with yanling (ps. i still owe u a hug! xD) but she wasnt too happy about it.. she said about me racticing my piano.. n i'm not studying.. i go out = play.. because of wat she said i cancalled it with wan xi.. i actually did ask them to come my house.. but yanling don wan.. nvm.. i know u don like.. sorry.. >.<
then dad suddenly came home when grandma went out to buy something.. then he saw me playing audi.. nvm.. then he told mum n mum called home to scold me.. -__- ok thats it.. no more audi! i think for my family i have given up alot of things le.. i hope someday they'll see it.. instead of keep on asking me to practice or do this do that.. anyway.. they nag i also feel bad.. so nvm.. i practiced de piano..
i know my mood.. practice piano will sometimes make me bored.. no matter wat songs i play.. they cant understand.. de only language is that i made no mistakes in it.. n whether i played it with feel.. i mean although its important.. but i can never share my joy & laughter about music with them.. they only know if i play well or not ma.. like when i say that i finally can play this song le.. my mum will say.. see u can do it de.. or she'll reply by saying hai bu gou hao.. =.=~ although i get use to it le.. but still it sadness me abit.. today while playing de piano i was actually looking through my phone book n see if i can find anyone to share my joy with.. lols! i guess this is de thing i'll always get ba.. so MUST TRY HARDER! =)
then i practiced 2 hr plus of piano.. finally finished my sch piece.. bridge over troubled waters.. xD it turns out quite well ne~ hehe! then practiced beauty & de beast too.. guan huai fang shi also.. ^^ all sounds not that bad la.. hahas~ but still MUST WORK HARDER! xD
today actually suppose to play badminton with jason, karkoon, tracy & karkoon de friends.. but then wan xi de tuition i cancelled it le.. but in de end also no tuition for wan xi.. -__- cos she having faminie camp tml.. plus she also don know wan come my house ma.. arh~! SO SORRY! >.<>
after piano i login audi a while.. FINALLY my char lvl up le.. then i do lis.. first time FAILED! =.=~! but then de 2nd time passed.. LOL! n because i last min chain~ @_@ lucky ne! xD then today also npc alot of times.. LOLS! earn $_$ =D but also alot fail la.. =.=~ but nvm.. cos all in all got earn! xD then de npc let me drain until cannot give den le.. LOLS! =X sorry ne..
at night attend star n mei de wedding~ ^^ they start from 8 until 9.45 then ok.. @_@ they failed quite alot of times.. but audi cheat! star n mei got sync 2 pref.. but audi "eat" it up.. in de end they have to try again.. lols~ AUDI CHEATER! =X
then during de wedding alot of.. "troubles".. mei de -RiP- jiejie keep on stress her.. say wat don pass they go tiao lou.. then some say she mo 1 min left.. aiya~ but alot of us still shhh.. lols! n i cannot take it le.. i "scolded" them.. >.<>.<
mei n star also very stressed lor.. they 2 keep on pref wrong time.. zz~ cannot sync.. they try like 5 times b4 thy offically marry? @_@ ya but still.. CONGRATES! xD happy for u 2!! xin fu xin fu! =D hehe~
but my poor ears.. my mum start nagging from 8 until i finally logoff.. zzz~ lucky ears havent spolit.. =.= jiu ming! T_T but also my fault la.. play too much audi.. zz~ sorry! >.<>
plus hor.. everytime i go in star de wedding i put 5k.. i like lost.. 20k? =.=~ nvm la.. they happy jiu hao! xD
plus i went to buy another face emotion in audi.. =X 50k~ @_@ i sort of like wan to collect all de face in audi.. LOL! i'm gonna broke at this rate.. but nvm! CHIONG NPC~ xD but like that i don need lvl leh.. f3~ nvm nvm! CAN DE! xD finally clubber le leh.. zzz~ *faint* i wait for this lvl for don know how many yrs le.. =X
so now i sleeping le.. night night! xD
rainbows above everything! i will survive! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
9:53 PM
Thursday, June 14, 2007
I'M SLEEPY~~ @_@
didnt have alot of interesting news to blog about today.. lols~ so just dropping by to "record" todays programme.. lols~
morning wake up around 7 plus.. lai chuang until 8.30.. =X cos today actually need to follow mum out.. going to sch to sign tuition grant with gov.. but first i need to follow them to work.. they got some stuff they need to deliver first.. so i actually went to quite a few places today with my parents.. like hollan village, we pass by orchard road, my sch.. a condou.. lols~ fun~!
then reach sch that time got alot of ppl queue-ing for signning of tution grant.. so we thought it will be quite long b4 its our turn.. but who knows.. its really fast! lols~ plus.. we actually parked de car at a further side.. =.= walk 1 whole round! lols~ then we were saying how stupid it is not to park nearer.. =.=~ diao!
afternoon my piano teacher come my house to teach me piano.. YEAH! i'm contiuning my piano~! xD then teacher say wan let me next year march take grade 4 practical.. grade 5 theory.. OMG.. can i do it? zzz~ i have a fear ne.. later fail how? got to practice my piano! YEAH! jiayou jiayou! xD
today didnt play much nor.. only went in audi for a while in de afternoon then com out le.. after that jiu shi in de night.. hais.. lols.. nothing to hais about la.. hahas~ cos at least i did spend de day with my parents in a happier mood.. although we did had a little fights here n there.. and as usual, my parents are "fighting".. its soemthing they'll like almost do everyday wont change.. f3~
& finally! xD my mum agreed to go with me to marina bay de steamboat! =D its like don know how many months le.. then she agree~ hahas~! xD *soul teddy.. i'll da bao for u de.. LOL!* cos she say that side no air-con.. later eat until very hot.. then my grandparents also going ma.. so not good.. but then now finally le! xD i say i wan to treat them de.. but she don wan.. anyway its good news! xD finally she can accept something suggest from me.. hahas~
alright.. thats all for now! i'll post up some pictures tml ba.. tired.. night night! xD
rainbows above everything! i will survive! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:19 PM
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
NOTHING MUCH TO DO NOW.. @_@
hasnt got anything interesting to blog about now.. lols~ its all de regular stuff.. so i decided to post some photos here.. xD
this is me & ham~ (my best sister) =D (ps. she's on de left.. pretty right? xD)
these are my gu zheng juniors.. after their SYF competition.. WE GOT GOLD! xD
below are some of de groups photos taken..
de whole group of gals with our instructor in pink.. LOLS! (can u spot her? =P)
de same whole group of gals again.. with some helpers in sch uniform at de back.. hahas~ ^^
alright alright~! thats all for now.. blogger upload imagine NOT that easy ok~ zzz! check back soon for more photos~! xD
rainbows above everything! i will survive! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
8:35 PM
HEYHEY! xD
wasnt really doing anything now.. i'm at mac with yanling & wanxi.. they studying.. i just go there to "disturb" only.. =X LOLS!
nothing really happen today.. so just thought of dropping by to say hi~ hahas! in the morning is just me, KK & soul teddy playing audition.. maple under server check.. f3~! i wanna go chiong my maple.. lols! suddenly felt that maple now better~ hahas~! but also to the fact that i just bought new clothes for maple la.. don play like wasted! lols! plus i still left so many quest to do.. >.<
now yanling teaching wan xi chem.. they say they very bored.. yanling regret never bring her labbie here.. lols! then i'm just busy typing here.. LOLS! wan xi said it just took yanling 10mins to teach her bonding (in chem).. lols~ then her next line is.. "we still got 1 hr 50 mins to go.." LOL~ *xiao dao du zi tong!* xD
on de other hand.. yanling MISS her audi so much.. she say she tml whole day CHIONG ARH! lols~ guess tml is de day for audi! xD (she say she chiong her lis first.. her lis cannot pass.. f3~)
later wan xi going to tamp & jason ask me wan go jaz de house ma.. =.=~ then yanling going to co.. f3 f3 f3! zheng shi de~ @_@ *blurr*
rainbows above everything! i will survive~! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
3:06 PM
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
JUST ANOTHER RELAXING DAY~ ^_^
hmm~ its finally just another relaxing day for me.. no more unhappiness or troubles.. just sitting down & enjoying wat i'm doing.. ^^
recently i went to play badminton again.. de first time was on saturday, 9 May.. i send gin off to de airport then meet jason, karkoon, tracy n 2 of jason de friends to play badminton.. after that exercise was really pi gu tong.. lols.. i mean de joints la.. so i decided to exercise more! xD then monday, which is yst.. we all met at tamp sports stadium & play bad again.. laughter n laughter.. hahas~ mainly we created alot of jokes la.. then we play 3 vs 3.. then i always laugh.. =X hai de they all laugh also.. then created alot of jokes.. n we got along well.. but jaz never give mian zi nor.. =X don wan play badminton.. just sit there n play her phone de games.. f3~ next time u die le! xD must tell u to play~! hehe~
the my com was FINALLY FIXED! xD i go restore de com.. so everything is back to normal.. just that have to install everything in again.. but its not that bad! xD cos restore com only undone de changes that u did to ur com.. so all ur documents n everything is not removed.. so i just update & re-install in everything can le.. so finally done! xD
then in de afternoon jason & karkoon come my house.. we all use my house de wireless net play maple.. LOLS! we all go ludi hunt things.. actually hor is doing quest la.. lols~ karkoon lvl 43, jason lvl 44, me lvl 59.. jason say wan to catch up my lvl.. ask me stop lvling.. f3~ u dream on! =P then jaz lvl so fast! >.<>he afk.. then i back.. i back he afk.. he back i afk.. lols~ like drama.. until i decided nvm! i sit down wait! lols.. then finally meet him.. =X sorry soul teddy! >.<
besides play maple.. we also got play others.. jason don know playing she mo tactic de game.. lols! then i "borrowed" karkoon de com n play o2jam.. then he help me pass me lis! xD THANKS~ then karkoon play piano.. xD i also got play a little la.. but not as good as his.. then end up we played quite alot of songs.. LOLS! got guan huai fang shi.. always with me.. cannon in C.. beauty & de beast.. her most beautiful smile.. n alot more la.. then i asked for 5 music scores from him! xD sorry ne.. then ask him teach me also.. then he "complaint!" hump! got mei nu let u teach leh~ still complaine.. f3~ =X LOLS! jkjk.. sorry ma.. at most i learn on my own.. which is like.. X_X lols~ xD
b4 they 2 come my house i was playing audi with star n KK.. then we were talking about who's MrSanta.. then they all know le.. now haru also know le.. hahas~ i think telling is better ba.. better than later become something so bad that cannot wan hui.. sorry soul teddy.. >.<
then at de sametime i was having a very good conversation with KK jiejie.. sorry wor jiejie.. if i didnt do that nothing sort of this will come out.. hope u'll forgive me.. SORRY! >.<
in de night jiu shi i playing maple.. until 9.. then after that go msn.. soul teddy & star talking about audi.. audi server CRASH! =.=~ poor audi.. *sayang* too many ppl jiu shi like that.. take care ne.. after that jiu shi update blog.. plus read jaz de blog.. she sad ne.. make me kindna sad too. plus her blog song all so nice! i jealous! =X lols~ jkjk!! ^^
lastly i just wan to say to my SISTERS..
TO JAZ:
take care ok~ nothing is too hard on this earth.. not only u got me, yl & jason.. u got all de HOPE in this WORLD! ^^
we'll always be there for u de.. but say truely.. like wat i told jason b4.. find ur own hope.. we can always be here for u.. but we come & go.. we cannot always 24 hrs pei ni.. even we wan to.. de hope that we give u also.. it always come & go.. but when u give something to urself.. its ALWAYS urs.. so JIAYOU! u confrim can find de! ^^
(ps.. i not saying we'll leave u ok.. don misunderstood! >.<)
TO YANLING:
don sad! cheer up ok~ nothing is too hard! i'm alive le ok.. ^^ n i'll continue to be alive de! ^^ *huggies~* although i'm not really with u physcially.. but my heart is ALWAYS with u de! don ever doubt that! ^^
TO BOTH OF THEM:
AS I SAID B4.. WO MEN JIE MEI SAN GE REN YI TIAO XIN! we can confirm pass this de ok! *HUGGIES HUGGIES!* always have hope ok~ ^^
i'm alive again.. all thanks to u all! hope always! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
9:13 PM
Monday, June 11, 2007
JUST AS I THOUGHT.. =.=.. *GIVE UP!*
just as i thought de rain & storm is finally over.. something more ridicules.. more funny.. n more sadden-ing turns up.. n thats regarding my labbiee!! >.<
today was de day that i finally can cheer up.. played audi in de morning n found my MrSanta! lols~ actually my friend lai de la.. lols! then i change my name to MrsSanta~ xD but later ppl type satan how? f3~ anyway.. just change name ar! nothing happen yet! (don anyhow imagine yl n jaz!) f3~ =P then meet up with jaz, jason, karkoon, tracy & karkoon's friends to play badminton in de afternoon.. fun! xD exercise~ we got alot of jokes.. lols! mainly because of me la.. T__T stupid! lols~ fun fun fun~ so long didnt exercise le.. so nice when we play finish.. then we went to play house of de dead.. tired! keep on shaking de gun.. @_@ play bad plus shake gun.. TIRED NE! >.<>
anyway~ had a good talk with jason.. i think wo men de xin jie finally kai le.. phew.. ^^ sorry ne.. hide from u until now.. >.< *bow* but its a good thing! xD cos now i finally don need to have that "distant" feeling when i'm around him le.. hahas~ can zi zai de xiang chu..
so i thought everything was finally good again.. hope it will last ne! but happiness don always last.. =.= n i know it..
de first thing i open my labbie was.. WHAT?! lols.. a BIG SHOCK! my task bar got some problem.. STUPID de problem.. lols! my quick launch bar hor.. every icon is showned.. then my language bar.. still ok.. but then if u remove both quick launch bar & lang bar.. de WHOLE task bar GONE! T__T if u just remove either one.. de next one will "jump" forward.. then hor.. when u open a window n somethings will have a tab ma.. mine no tab de.. =.= if i wan to change between windows.. go task manager n press switch to.. =.="" *shiver* cold ne.. stupid problem.. zzz~ SOMEBODY HELP ME! T__T lao tian ar! u wan to yuan si wo ar? zzz~ out of de blue will give me such problems.. i'm really feeling UP n DOWN ne.. zzz~
dead.. i'm dead.. i wont live anymore..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
9:46 PM
Sunday, June 10, 2007
ITS CONFUSING.. ISNT IT? @_@
actually.. i really don plan to update anymore.. but u.. u all.. (yanling, jaz, anata, KK, soul teddy..) and alot more ppl gave me de strength.. i think i can finally found something to hold on to.. and therefore i posted everything that i had wrote de night b4..
maybe after reading them u'll find out that i'm actually a very dark person.. maybe u'll get scared n run away.. but i don blame u.. sometimes me myself i cant stand myself too.. lols! maybe that is de consquences of keeping everything to urself ba..
but anyway.. i wan to thank you anata.. u really have help me alot & gave me hope! ^^ n my promise to u is still there.. just that mayeb this time it will take me longer time to recover ba.. but all in all THANK YOU!
and to everyone else too! THANKS ALOT! ^^ jaz i saw ur msg at ur blog.. yanling also.. thank you for asking me wat is happening.. n telling me that i'm alive.. hahas.. but maybe i breath carbon dioxide leh.. LOLS! xD
but still.. somethings are so confusing.. is it me or that everyone else felt that too? my mum always ask me to work work work.. like de computer.. she use de desktop to play neopets.. sometimes a whole day.. sometimes even up till 2 plus in de morning.. i always ask her to sleep.. then if i wan to use de desktop play audi a while she'll say no.. go practice de piano.. then she'll start her "lecture" about me not caring about my piano practice then wat for i learn it? sometimes she walk in me on msn.. n doing my sch work.. she always says that i'm playing.. n say that wo bu hao.. but i'm really doing my sch work! then she'll say i bu hao.. make me feel guilty.. but wat can i do? nao dao don do my work? playing de piano also.. when i playing she just do her things.. i don mind that.. but i always have to ask her how was it.. then she'll say its good.. but bu gou hao.. even sometimes i willingly sit down n practice.. how much more must i give out? i really don know.. when she use de internet to look at her gu dongs.. she say she doing work.. i respected her.. but when i'm doing work why do u have to say that i'm playing? i didnt even complain, like i use to when i was small, about u using too much com.. i care for ur health too.. but all u said was da ren de shi xiao hai bu dong.. but i really know it..
my dad also.. out of de sudden he'll say that ur piano like tui bu le.. but in fact i'm improving.. i now can even sight-read a little le.. then he ask that maths need tution? but de fact is i still can cope.. i understands my maths..
i know they are caring for me.. i really know that.. but too many things make me cant feel it.. not that i don let her use de internet or anything.. but ur health is important too.. if i can feel u caring for me why cant u feel that i'm caring for u? maybe both of us used de wrong methods.. how long must i continue this kind of relationship with them? i really didnt mean to hurt them..
my grandma also.. she keep on feeding me.. she'll ask wan to eat ma almost every hour.. 45kg me become 50kg n + a little when she come.. it never drops.. not that i complaining.. but when it becomes a habit to her..if i don eat at home she'll say like i don need her le.. i wan to jian fei.. who says anything about jian fei? i dont even plan to.. just that i don wan to eat.. because she'll sad thats why i always try to eat at home.. especially dinner.. ou er go out with my sisters than eat ouside.. but she still don seem satisfied.. i'm really tired..
despite all these.. de skys still seems so blue.. i think somethings wont ever change while others will change like don know wat.. thanks all those who stood by me.. i'm really greatful.. & so sorry.. if i hurt u b4.. pls forgive me.. wo zhi cuo le..
dead.. i'm dead.. i wont live anymore..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
4:49 PM
IT HURTS.. STILL HURTS ALOT..
watever happened still hurts alot.. i "cried" to sleep yst.. i went to sleep cos i'm too tired yst.. i don wan to sleep.. tears were flowing down..
wat i type yst.. rows n rows of tears were flowing down.. lucky my grandma is asleep.. then everyone else too.. its funny.. isnt it? she's just sleeping behind me.. n if i turn or make some noise she will know i'm crying.. other times too.. i cried in de toliet.. in my bed.. she's just right outside de toliet.. or beside my bed.. did she know i cried?
this morning too.. i woke up n realise i still rmb.. can i really forget about everything n treat it as nothing? how can i forget? i don wan to.. its part of my life.. n evern if i can.. my mum wont forget.. my grandma wont forget.. they'll still keep on reminding me of that.. my mum.. she always mention that i buy for u all de hair de thingy but u never use.. de bag i buy for u u never cherish.. n things like that.. i really love them alot! when i lost them.. damaged them.. i'm hurt! i wan to kill myself! why didnt i be more careful? but i wont.. cos i don wan another bei ju.. although they have been damaged, i still love them as it is.. n because i am often careless.. i rather i keep them n don wear them until some important things come up.. i wanted them to pei wo in de most important ocassions.. but u always says that i don take care of them.. i'm hurt.. then wat for i keep them? i might rather throw them away.. u always see me as someone who wont care.. i will.. i even skipped my lunch n don but stuff that i like.. i don even wan to go out.. so i can keep those $ for next week or next next week.. then u wont have so much naggings on me using too much $ or u have to work extra hard to get de $..
i know i'm very lucky to get into this course n i cherish it.. i know my limits but still i work for de best.. so u can see me suceed.. did u know that?
this morning i'm crying agian.. until now.. i'm still crying.. how much tears do i have? i have watched a movie.. de gal cried because her husband is going to jail.. n graduately.. her eyes cannot see.. will i turn into her one day? if i did i think my mum is going to kill me.. adults don really find out wat happen do they? they always assume that its like that.. my grandma "scolded" me this morning.. she said that go eat ur breakfast! if not later lunch don eat again.. i know she's caring.. but pls.. i'm hurt now.. even i don eat lunch at 12 i can eat at 2.. i'll still have my dinner at 7.. don worry.. i'm crying still.. if they just walk into my know now they'll know i'm crying.. but they didnt..
i know wat they did is out of de best for me.. but i really need a break.. all ur carings are naggings.. scoldings.. negative words.. i always tried to look for de positive meanings in it.. but i cant anymore.. i don wish to understand anymore.. i don wan to think.. i just wan to live each day as it is..
now stoping crying! if she know i'm crying she'll surely say u cry for wat? yst is already over.. but is it? hurts.. it always leave a scare in my heart.. i feel my heart been locked up again.. hao bu rong yi anata opened it little by little.. but now its been locked again.. so cold.. so dead.. no warmth.. my heart is like been locked up by thousands of locks.. chains.. how much time now do i need to recover? i really don know..
and lastly.. i'm so sorry jaz.. i made u think of de past n cry.. i didnt mean it.. i know u did see de real inside me.. thanks for that.. but my strength is slipping away.. i really don wan to fight anymore.. i'm tired.. i wan to learn de sleeping beauty.. but this time round there will be no prince.. no waking up.. sorry jaz.. *huggies..*
dead.. i'm dead.. i wont live anymore..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
11:15 AM
Saturday, June 09, 2007
I REALLY KNOW..
i relaly know that in this world.. de only saddness does not revolve round me only.. but i can tell u that i am part of that saddness too.. so pls don always thought that i'll be fine & everything will be ok.. i just need someone to be there for me..
i don need u to talk or say comforting words.. i can tell myself that too.. n i know those words are true.. but i also know that if i cry or be sad.. u'll be affected too.. so i rather don cry.. n keep it all in my heart.. i just need someone who will listen.. n be there for me.. i dont even need to u talk..
i understand de rules.. if i wan something i have to lose something too.. but i'm never greedy.. i don wan all de riches in this world or anything! i just wan everyone to be happy.. to be ok.. is that too much to ask? i've always tried my best to make u smile.. anyone! as long as u're beside me i'll try! but i always got hurt in de end.. is it that my thinking was wrong or not u never saw wat i did? did i really do de wrong things? i wan to say sorry.. but i think i've said it too many times that u thought its fake.. i'm sorry for that..
can someone really see me.. just me.. de real me.. not de one who keeps on smiling or de one who alwaya comfort u n be there for u.. i really need someone.. pls don go away..
some ppl will say that its me who went away first.. but is it so true? i saw u been happy.. thats all i wish for.. u'll have better future without me.. cos i always brings saddness to ppl when i try very hard.. n if i see u sad i'll blame myself.. i rather i leave..
my father left me when i was young.. so i rather leave then u leave.. i cant face de saddness anymore.. sometimes i act so well that i thought i'm alright too..
but i'm not.. i really cant hold on anymore.. n i know that.. i asked for help.. i got replied.. but still.. who can see de real me behind those faces..?
i need an angel.. who can save me & be there for me..
all things i've done make me feel so sick! sad.. disappointed.. do i really fit to deserve someone? i'm so sorry.. i think i'll die.. when i can.. sorry guys.. i really couldnt hold on anymore.. T__T
dead.. i'm dead.. i wont live anymore..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
11:00 PM
ME & MY MUM.. T_T SORRY..
i just had a fight with my mum today.. it was suppose to be happy day for me.. but then.. i guess nothing ever runs smooth.. but for it.. it runs 10 times more bad..
today is suppose to be de day that i'll be sending gin off de airport.. she's going back to china.. how i wish i could too.. but anyway.. i told my mum that.. she said ok.. i can send u to enous.. i'm alright with that.. but then when we were off that time.. i suddenly rmb.. i can just take a bus to Bedok n from there change mrt.. it will be faster than taking mrt from enous.. which is more far away.. furthermore.. recent things n feelings that i've kept deep inside my heart started to rise.. i just sort of get "angry".. n shouted at her.. she keep on asking my de same things.. i was abit frustrated.. i didnt even realise i shouted at her until she say so.. I"M SORRY mama.. i really didnt do it on purpose.. i have my troubles too.. i'm not de gal that can just come n go.. i can rmb.. i can feel.. i have feelings now.. but still.. i'm sorry.. i really didnt mean to shout at u.. pls understand..
but then wat my mum said also hurt me.. she say why i'm treating her like a enemy? even if u don treat me as ur mother but at least as a friend.. why do u have to shout at me.. sorry.. really sorry.. i really didnt mean it de.. but pls understand.. although i appear to be happy.. i'm not.. really.. i'm sad.. i really need help.. pls.. pls see my other side.. i never ever didnt treat u as my mother.. i always respected u.. I LOVE U! i always tried to make u happy.. like this morning.. i know u wanted me to pay de piano.. i played! but u werent at home.. when small that time.. u wanted me to learn de piano.. i did.. i know u're worried.. i tried my best to go home on time.. i dont do foolish things cos i know u need me.. but pls.. why cant u see my other side..? u always see me "playing" with de com.. my daily activities is playing.. de more i go out de more ye i am.. but really.. i love u.. i don wan to hurt u.. so i'll try my best to make u smile.. i'm really sorry.. sometimes i also have my emotions.. do u ever know i cried b4 in my bed? i really love u everyday? one times u told me b4.. u see ar.. those "not-normal" kids will try to hurt themselves.. cos they know they're been bad.. i'm hurt when i heard that.. i know sometimes i'm bad.. but i want n i'll try my best to change it.. i wanted to hurt myself sometimes too.. do u know i almost wanted to jump down de building when i was in sec sch? but i didnt.. something or "somebody" stopped me.. n up til now i wont.. cos i know if i get hurt or do foolish things.. i'll make u more sad.. its not that i wont be like those children.. i will! just that i don wan to.. cos i wont bring happiness to u.. did u ever know that i was been called a flirt by my friends? my friends look down on me when i couldnt turn up or projects n stuff like that? i'm suffering too.. sorry..
u always said that i can do better.. even if i'm already trying my very hard.. from failing maths to getting 100.. u said that i should get 100.. i really wanted u to recognise me! but u never really did..
but still.. i'm sorry about today.. although i called u to say sorry.. n u said u know u r wrong jiu hao.. but then.. i still hope to hear that its ok.. i'm sorry too.. why am i always de one saying sorry? not everything is my fault.. but because i wan to keep this relationship.. i wanted to say sorry n i AM sorry.. but i'm tired.. i cant hold on anymore.. i just wan u to understand.. i really need u to understand! u are de one who pei wo from young until now.. i really love u mum.. i'm so sorry..
i cried all de way to de airport today.. n de only word i get is.. don cry le.. u cry outside so weird.. i'm sorry.. i didnt mean to disgrace u.. i'll learn to be strong.. i wont cry again..
i love u mum..
dead.. i'm dead.. i wont live anymore..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:15 PM
HU PEIYAN (JOYCE) IS DEAD!
from this moment onwards.. i'm dead.. pls don come back here for anymore updates.. there will be no more updates.. n if u see me on de street.. pls don call me.. cos i wont hear u.. i'm dead.. even if u say i'm alive, i'm just a zombie..
recently too many things have happen.. although i thought that i can always be happy.. happiness is always there.. but is it? i'm really breaking down le.. i don wan to fight le.. de unhappiness keeps on staying there.. i tried to forget.. but can i really forget? i wont.. n i don wan to! cos if i did.. then i wont have a life.. i don even have a happy one yet.. de most happy things that happened to me is knowing all de ppl n de knowledge that i have received.. thanks for everything guys.. i'll miss u..
dead.. i'm dead.. i wont live anymore..
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:04 PM
Friday, June 08, 2007
FINALLY OVER! HORRAY~~ xD
most of de week is finally over! xD i can rest le.. phew~ now only left REMT de hw.. my CD presentation is ALRIGHT! =D plus i get back my theory test paper le.. de results is not that bad~! 47/100 although still fail.. but at least i didnt feel THAT bad.. phew~ i think that's a good thing!
i thought my theory is gonna failed very bad! de feeling after i finish de test is so horrible! but actually its still ok.. just 3 more marks to pass.. de best out of de worst huh! xD plus my mum was very understanding towards this.. she ask me to ganbatek~ plus she getting a music teacher to teach me piano again.. so she's actually HELPING me! =D plus i've been approaching my classmates for help.. so afterall~ MY THEORY YOU JIU LE! =) & i suddenly found out that ACTUALLY i can pass.. if not for de careless mistakes.. i would have pass it already.. n Mr James, our teacher, actually giving a 2 way lesson le.. not like last time.. so.. dead.. he now even will explain some of de things le~ xD things seem to be turning better huh? ^^ hehe~
but still.. there are abit unhappyness here n there de.. i think u can never be happy A WHOLE DAY! can u? during de first REMT lecture, Geoffrey, our teacher tell us, de group of us which is always sitting behind to sit in front so can interact.. although i never really listen to his lecture cos de notes are all can read online de.. lols! but then i still found it interesting & useful in my learning! xD i now kinda like de interaction le.. i also learn that actually our eyes will creat "errors".. example when u watch a car wheel.. sometimes u'll see it either turning front or stop when de car is actually driving on the road.. out eyes made an error n this error is process through our brain.. u know de wheel is turning at a very fast speed.. so fast that our eyes cannot see it "properly".. which is like time delay.. n this created an error call a something.. i cant really rmb de word.. =.=~ but i rmb de concept ok! xD then hor.. our eyes is always seeing things at de same rate.. n de car is also turning at a same rate (assuming).. so in theory.. de time delay should be always de same.. but why we sometimes see de wheel turning forward or maybe even stopping? why arent we either see it at stopping or just turning forward? cos both rates are de same ar.. but de truth is.. u cant really know how fast de wheel is turning at.. so ur brain actaully cannot get de correct wave from de car wheel.. so it will make assumtions.. then it become that u wil see de car wheel turning infront or stopping.. u wont see one only.. xD hehe~ chim hor.. lols!
anywa.. today was fun ba.. we actaully make alot of jokes in class.. hahas.. n all de little little happiness add up become a BIG ONE! so i think no matter how "big" de saddness seems it will always be REPLACED by these little little happiness! =D n plus its FINALLY HOLIDAYS! who will be sad in holidays?! lols~ ITS TIME TO ENJOY! AUDI AUDI, MAPLE MAPLE! HERE I COME! xD
& anata~ don worry ok.. eveything is FINE! ur ah hem will take care of herself for u de.. just trust in her ba! ^^
u cheer me up so i can fly again.. u gave me hope so i can smile again.. thank you! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:04 PM
Thursday, June 07, 2007
CONTINUE DISASTER! @_@
bad things always seem to happen so fast but went on too slow.. de feeling was so instant but yet so lasting.. u get alot of feelings.. confused, sad, dead, lost of hope, dull, but at de sametime.. u really found out who's caring for u.. who will give u comfort n hope..
things always happen so fast.. dont they? u can be happy de first moment but sad in de next min.. n things keep on adding up.. strangly enough.. u rmb de sad ones more then de happy ones.. de sad moments always see so big, so strong.. that u thought it gave u a BIG impact.. but then de happy ones are just like passing very fast.. in an instant n its gone..
recently all de "BIG" things happen.. so sad.. so tired of it.. my dad's case.. now going for at least 2 months jail? o.O plus 8k fine.. zzz~ then doing hw in de late night.. is also out of de question.. u'll hear my grandma nagging.. while my mum understands n just told me to sleep eariler if its possible.. like my CD ppt.. i do until 1am +.. my mum was still ok with it.. cos its a hw! have to be done! but my grandma was like.. nagging.. not that i blame her.. just that i hope she can understand! she goes like.. shui liao la.. bu yao wan le! why i wan to play until midnight for?! n furthermore.. i'm doing a PPT! not a game.. u can clearly see that.. but she just say bu yao wan le.. then i say i do finish jiu sleep.. then she wait until bu nai fan then just say.. u wanna sleep u sleep don wan u continue.. don care u le.. i'm SAD! i wish she could understand! T__T if i can.. i ALSO WAN TO SLEEP! >.<>
i also keep on getting hurt these few days.. like i can just get scratched when i sit on de stairs.. its true de stairs are a bit rough.. but get scratch by it until bleed?! i cant believe it.. =.= my feet also.. i just scratch scratch scratch then bleed le.. my are also de same.. then my other feet like get hit or something? o.O pain pain de.. plus red red also.. i'm so blurr about this injuries! i until go bath then notice ooh~ yuan lai po pi le.. my feet is until when i walk that time pain pain de then i know.. @_@ wats happening to me?
i just hope that for de rest of de days for these week can pass smoothly.. i just wan to get it over with n rest.. i really need a break..
u cheer me up so i can fly again.. u gave me hope so i can smile again.. thank you! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:59 PM
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
DISGRACE! T__T SI DIAO SUAN LE!
just got back my first test, music theory, de results FAIL! T__T omg.. i FAILED the test! ahh~~~~ imagine de previous night i still study until so hard.. then i still ask if i don understand.. but de results is still fail.. i wanna die..
yanling is right.. music is something that i'm doing for myself.. so all de more i cannot fail it! but i did... *BANG WALL!* plus i rmb de different ppl telling me that they cant get into this course.. n wan me to help them "fulfill" their dreams.. OMG! i'm BAD AT IT! zzz.. added on to de fact that i'm really lucky to get into this course.. so all de more.. HOW CAN I FAIL?!? *BANG WALL AGAIN* i'm really USELESS man.. kill me ba! scold me ba! do anything! i feel guilty.. sad.. disgrace! i studied music b4 ok!! so I CANNOT FAIL! why why why?! T__T ahh~~~
i knew de results first thing in de morning.. from that moment onwards i WANTED TO CRY! just find a HOLE & HIDE! i wan to fall asleep.. FOREVER don wake up.. i'm really useless.. i suddenly felt that maybe i have chosen de wrong course! how can i be bad at something i've learn b4..?
but actually.. wat de test is testing is something that i have not learnt b4.. my teacher, Mr James also didnt really go through it.. he just gave us a piece of paper & say that if u do this paper then u'll definitely pass de test! i can actually do de questions in de TB.. then i went through a few questions in that paper too.. i can do! but when i do de test.. everything crumpled.. i realise from de test that i've been reading de wrong concept.. de test is about changing de time signature from simple to compound or vice visa.. i've been studying de wrong concept all these time about that!
so straight after de exam i ask pei lin to teach me music theory.. n i get it afterwards.. its actually VERY SIMPLE! i was like.. WHAT THE HELL! i get it after de test.. why not b4 or during de test?! but i guess its de disadvantage of not learning up til grade 8 for theory.. so therefore.. I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE PIANO LESSONS AGAIN! xD this time round.. i wont just focus on practical le! i'll focus on both theory n practical! xD WISH ME LUCK~~
for de next test i'll confirm get higher! like an A ^^ n i believe i can do it de! xD cos i wanna prove to myself & de ppl around me that music is something serious to me! i am WILLING to WORK HARD for it! ^_^
so hor anata~ don worry ok! i'll cheer up~ ^^ my fighting spirit is back! =D
u cheer me up so i can fly again.. u give me hope so i can smile again.. thank you! ^^
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
12:00 PM
Monday, June 04, 2007
YAWN~ xP
like very long never update about my daily work le.. hahas~ so i decided to login n update on my daily doings.. xP
today wake up on timing nor.. even though never set alarm clock.. LOLS! but partly is because my mum woke up early.. then she on de light.. so it actually disturb my sleep.. =X lols~ woke up at 7.. then wash face, brush tooth n eat eat eat.. lols~ (got nian gao as my breakfast! xD) after that change jiu go down to de bus stop le..
as usual, its crowded! >.<>
anyway.. de mrt trip was ALRIGHT! ^__^ got a seat like in payer lebar.. lols~ normally i at city hall or raffles than can sit nor.. but today i got it early~ *wonder why* lols~ then i got bring Rurouni Kenshin de comic.. so throughout the whole journey, i read read read~ xD n i got bring labbie to sch.. heavy.. =.=""
at sch.. we got our KEYS test today.. Miss Bazi.. (is that how u spell de name? o.O) nvm~ she tested us on C major scale, F major scale & G major scale.. plus we need to play de chords progression as well.. make 2 mistakes in it.. f3! minus 2 marks.. zzz~ when practice that time still ok de lor.. test jiu die le.. zzz~ *bang wall* so overall i get 13/15.. not bad la.. but can do better.. lols~ ganebatek! ^^
afternoon idea de class was simply.. boring? slacking? or learning? lols~ cos today we're suppose to present everything we have discovered n do for the e-learning week.. my group was the last.. lols! have to wait very long.. but also got de good points la.. cos we get the see the mistakes that other group have made n take note of it.. plus this project.. we arent really sure wat to do nor.. we have to go "shopping".. then from there discover how ppl buy things.. wat attracts them n wat does not.. n maybe focus on 1 or 2 shops & talk about them.. my group went to Vivo city~ we focus on Zara.. then i think my group quiet SPECIAL~ xD cos ours are mostly pictures.. very few words.. we talk.. n we focus only on 1 store n from there we explore n explain wat we found out.. unlike other groups wo basically gave an detailed idea of where they went n wat they have found out.. we zoom on it using quiet a different way.. i'm PROUD how our presentation turn out to be nor.. hehe~ xD GOOD JOB GUYS~! ^^
then these few days.. got someone, who i think i wont mention yet.. mian de ppl like ah hem will say jie fu again.. (not yl.. is j n j de.. xP) f3~ he pei wo quiet alot.. n cheered me up.. ty for that.. my best buddies too~ thanks thanks~ ^^ yl also.. ty for leading a helping hand! ^^ i know u r quiet stressed with ur sch work.. JIAYOU ok! holidays we can go out le.. PROMISE! ^^ *huggies~*
these few days have been changing my blog de layout.. lols~ but its not done yet.. still have some "research" to do.. i not very good with codes n all that.. =.= must see examples then can.. lols~ anyway.. i also have been listening to a song call truth.. by yuna ito.. from NANA.. a very nice song! ^^ i think maybe i'll change my blog de song to that.. cos i also wanted someone, erm.. someone la.. lols!, to go listen to it n understand de meaning of the song.. although i also very blurr de song is about wat la.. lols~ but then i really hope u can go listen n understand.. n i KNOW HOW TO SING IT xD if i see de words la.. lols~! cannot rmb de lyrics =.=~ baka me..
anyway.. JIAYOU ALL! ^^
rainbows plus chocolates~! & u'll get a SMILE! =D
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
4:48 PM
Sunday, June 03, 2007
DON KNOW WHAT TO WRITE.. @_@ BAKA ME!
i don know wat to write le la.. lols! cos nothing much happen this few days.. my dad's case is still not over yet.. still need like.. 3 weeks later then will know de results? *hais* hope it will be over soon ne!
my maths is still stuck at differentiation.. =.=~ so blurr when doing de respect to x de.. f3~ gamebatek ne! ^^ i still got keyboard to practice.. my assignment is due in a few days time~ oh well.. but i got everything under control! xD so no worries~ hehe~
and to jaz:
i've been reading ur blog.. but my com don allow me to tag at ur tag board.. =.=~ been on error.. i don know why.. sorry wor.. but keep in mind~ i'll go n read de ok! xD
i go do my maths le~ tata~!
rainbows above everything! ^^ i will be happy~
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
10:32 AM
Saturday, June 02, 2007
MORNING~~ ^_^ I FEEL HAPPIER~~!
hahas.. nothing much to say really.. just wan to thank alot of ppl.. n i just feel happier le.. hahas~
i first wan to thank yanling & jaz.. i know they have their own problems also.. but despite that fact.. they still extended their help to me.. I'M ERY GLAD! ^__^ but i also wan to say sorry.. because i don know how to kai kou.. i'm blurr about this.. i feel lost.. so i tried my best to deal with it.. i tired not to think about it that much.. i am trying to find a way to solve this.. so i don know how to respond or say this to others.. the only thing i found it easier to express myself is this blog.. lols.. cos i don need to think that much.. i just need to type down wat i feel n think.. so sorry..
i also wan to thank bear.. he pei wo chat when i needed someone.. n he even pei me do my hw.. lols! late into de night.. plus he offered his help too.. thanks alot~
n lastly is haru.. u cheered me up.. thank you~ wat i promised u is a promise.. it wont be broken.. but then i cannot say i will 100% do it always.. but i will definitly try my best.. n u also neh.. although u have throw down ur burden.. but i'm at ur service if u need anyone~ ^^
thanks everyone! ^^
rainbows above everything! ^^ i will be happy~
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
11:44 AM
Friday, June 01, 2007
WHERE'S MY ENERGY? T_T
i feel tired.. actually.. i AM tired.. my panda eyes are getting deeper.. i'm like too lost now.. a child wondering everywhere without life..
i feel.. lost.. almost dead.. like a zombie.. i ate because i need to eat.. i sleep because my grandma wanted me to.. n if i dont she dont sleep too.. i work cos i need to pass my exams n everything.. so wat is something.. that i finally did for myself?
am i laughing because i wanted to.. or just because i wan to keep everyone beside me happy? i really wanted to find out the truth for myself.. i don wan to be puppet! but its like i AM been puppet.. by life.. by my feelings..
dear god,
please send an angel down.. i need someone now..
i wan the light.. the hope that i once had..
please come to me.. rescue me...
i almost skipped dinner tonight.. i feel really DEAD! wats my purpose in life again..? i think i've lost to fate.. but still.. i will come ALIVE once again.. cos i promised someone not to tink negative again.. i wan to keep my smile.. and i will keep it! for the sake of those who are round me.. and of cos.. for me..
one day.. i wan to laugh because i wanted to.. i wan to smile because u really make me happy.. i will do something for myself.. n for u.. =)
rainbows above everything! ^^ cheer up~
ThE MaGic BeGinS... @
9:38 PM
