BROKE.. PLUS BROKEN.. T_T
me n him.. fen kai le.. yepz..
i don know wat i should feel now.. its neither us at fault.. just that we both took on our so call "crush" n wan to keep it longer.. but then.. fate always play it around.. n it is just not there anymore.. as time go by.. u can really tell ur feelings.. (i suddenly rmb last time.. one of my friends told me that he will always watch out his feelings for a week b4 he ask de gal for stead.. cos he wan to make sure that he likes/love her..) it doesnt really matter wat ending it has become.. because at least its been true.. i have been true to my feelings.. i love him then n there.. but not now.. n he have took action for his feelings.. we were together.. n seperated.. i think all love have this "cycle" ba.. but some are more lucky.. u can stay for a long time.. while others are just unlucky..
many things have been going on this week.. things that let me think.. make me feel.. n make me wan to do.. me n him.. our relationship is a beautiful one.. its really nice.. both of us had fu chu guo.. ye kai xin guo.. ye shang xin guo.. i think de thing that we never do is wo men mei you qu liao jie.. wo start when we have that feeling.. n end it when we don have that feeling.. its really an honest relationship.. we are true towards it.. so i feel that no matter wat de ending is.. at least we experienced it with truth.. (again i suddenly rmb that someone actually asked me.. why be together when u r not serious towards it?) we are serious.. i am serious! but de point is.. it didnt last.. its not that serious relationships will always last.. just like us.. both of us act on de feeling.. it is serious.. but again its so short.. this kind of feeling is really.. undescribable..
i don know whether to laugh or cry.. i feel relief.. n i feel this will bring me good memories.. (i hope it will bring him good memories too.. but if.. ru guo nan guo, qing ni wang le wo..)
i first feel de change in feeling was when we start seldom to talk.. after his exams.. i thought we could spent more time together.. but.. a weird feeling just came to my mind.. i cant understand it.. but i know wat it is.. its rejection.. i am scared.. i don know why.. but i feel it clearly n strongly.. i began to reject him.. reject him for closer actions.. phone chat also don know wan to say wat.. sleep feel my mind when i talk to him.. our chatting time become so.. sad.. its not so lively anymore.. nor is it lovely.. its just.. fan.. as time goes on.. our chars differ.. he have this revenge feeling in his heart.. i have this unsecure feeling.. i don like him to fight.. he don like me get close to other ppl.. we just have this wall.. i feel.. weird..? maybe even sad or hais.. i don know wat i should say.. i don wan him to get angry.. nor him feeling fustrated.. i just wan him to feel happy.. it became a wall for us.. somethings can never cross that easily..
we always plan that during de next meeting.. we'll kiss.. hug.. but it wont.. never will cross that line.. cos i wan it naturally.. i don wan to kiss him.. not yet.. something stop it.. i don know wat.. just a wall.. i know that will be difficult to cross.. difference make us tired.. i am willing to cooperate.. but for how long? he is willing to change.. but how? i love him.. not his char.. just him.. i don wan him change for me or anything.. that wont be him.. n that wil be de case.. (i suddenly rmb about my mum n dad.. i often ask my mum.. why did u marry dad? did u still love him? she always reply.. it doesnt matter anymore.. wo men dou lao le.. hai you shen mo love ke tan? when u're old.. u jsut relie on each other n survive.. but all they have been doing is quarrelling..) so that is their relieing? just fight n fight? i don wan that! i hate fights! there is peace! i believe that is! but u have to creat it.. for urself.. are we ready for this? all these quarrels or changes to come.. i think about it.. n no.. i'm not ready.. i still don know how to face fights.. my dad's case.. sch work.. friends.. relationship.. too many to take at once.. i can only blame myself cos i let it start first.. but in love.. there is no right or wrong.. its either u cherish it or not.. we do.. both of us do.. but it still doesnt work out.. (like my friend.. he told me he n his gal stead for 1 yr.. but all they have done is fights.. after a fight.. both said.. OK! next time we're gonna make it better! don repeat! but end up.. they do again.. fights get bigger n bigger.. in de end.. both of them separated..) they love each other.. but it doesnt work out that way.. i don know..
i suddenly wan to listen to Angela Chang - 其實很愛你 Actually Love You Very Much.. de lyrics.. very nice.. lols.. anyway.. our chars don match.. his young.. not possible to stop at this age.. i'm not ready.. both of us had a conversation.. its best we stop it now.. both of us understand.. so i gues.. its de end..
n leastly.. i don know wat i should feel still.. i think wo hai shi you dian xi huan ni.. dan bu hui zai yi qi ba.. i think so.. but.. no matter wat.. best sis n bro! ^^ confrim.. u will always be my sweet dar dar.. as a said.. its a nice memory.. so.. ya.. just a memory le..
rainbows above everything! ^^ cheer up~
